Breath
by ReadYourHeartOut
Summary: This is a ShikaxKiba song fic that I started long ago and finally finished. Separation is involved, and angst and a flashback or two... It's for the song "Breath" by Breaking Benjamin. Please r&r!


**A/N: Okay, I was listening to this Breaking Benjamin song called "Breath" and I started thinking ShikaxKiba thoughts (since I've been working with them a lot recently). This lovely little song-fic is the product of those thoughts. It's from Shikamaru's p.o.v, and just so everyone knows, they're a bit…older in this (when I say a bit I mean like…late teens to early twenties). And…sort of not together…ish… ' (Ni; it's a bit OOC for Shikamaru at times, too…) So yeah, r&r please, and enjoy! I remain, as always, your humble servant, Mpathy.**

_I see nothing in your eyes._

_And the more I see, the less I like._

_Is it over yet?_

_In my head._

_I know nothing of your kind._

_And I won't reveal your evil mind._

_Is it over yet?_

_I can't win._

I watched in silence as Kiba walked past, smiling and laughing with Hinata. I wondered if he knew that _I_ was the only one who could tell when he was faking a smile. Those doggish grins might have looked the same to everyone else, but…I could look at his eyes and tell that he wasn't the least bit interested in his former teammate. I wondered if he was "_with_ her" to keep up appearances or just to hurt me. Either way, it worked. He caught me looking and glanced over at me, and for a split-second I recognized the look he'd given me so many times before, the look in his eyes that I'd always taken for granted…

_So sacrifice yourself, and let me have what's left._

_I know that I can find the fire in your eyes._

_I'm going all the way; get away,_

_Please…_

For the moment that our eyes met, I had a brief flashback to the times he'd given me that look in the past, usually accompanying by a smile or an intense kiss. Or even when he was mad, that was the look I always saw… Without realizing how it had happened, I found myself smirking reminiscently, and he looked unhappy, turning away from me and leading Hinata on. It sort of hurt that he wouldn't even look at me now. And I hadn't told him at the time, but…it had really hurt when he left to begin with…

_You take the breath right out of me._

_You left a hole where my heart should be._

_You gotta fight just to make it through._

_Cuz I will be the death of you…_

**Flashback**: We'd just come back from a mission that day, and we were both exhausted, not to mention our operation had been a complete failure. I was especially edgy because it was my fault.

"…I'm sorry…" he muttered for the 37th time, finally finished bandaging up a fresh wound on his right leg. I sighed exasperatedly, not looking at him.

"Shut up; I told you, you didn't do anything wrong," I said, having already told him this at least 36 times. "It was my fault for being stupid and misjudging the situation…"

"You were only trying to help me," he protested. "If I wasn't—"

"Stop; it doesn't matter now anyway," I cut in, annoying him slightly. He sighed and leaned his head against my shoulder and I stood, walking across the room and putting a hand to my temples.

"What's the matter with you?" he asked with badly-suppressed hurt and aggravation obvious in his voice.

"Oh, nothing," I sighed sardonically. "You just nearly died today, that's all."

"I said I was sorry…"

"That's not the point!" I growled, refusing to look at him. He thought it was because I was mad, but I really just didn't want him to see the tears welling up in my eyes. "You were nearly _killed_, you idiot!"

"But I wasn't," he said quietly; he always hated it when I insulted his intelligence, which was why I never did (that was just more proof of how upset I was). "Because you were there…"

"Yeah…" I muttered, trying to stop venting my frustration on him; he didn't deserve that. He stood and stepped over to me, taking my hand and placing it on his cheek.

"I love you…" he whispered.

"Yeah, I know…" I replied, glancing away. Unlike most times when he said that, he wasn't satisfied with my answer.

"Shikamaru," he insisted. "I said 'I love you.'" I sighed and pulled away from him, not in the mood to deal with him and his "needs." He seemed deeply hurt, following me to our bedroom.

"Shikamaru," he began.

"Kiba, don't," I sighed, still not looking at him. "I'm tired and I'm not in the mood."

"Well change your mood, damn it!" he growled. "I don't know what your problem is, but you need to get over it! I hate it when you're like this!"

"My problem? You want to know what my problem is, Kiba?" I asked, stepping over to him and glaring into his eyes, a glare which he returned with full force (with that special look in his eyes that was reserved only for me). This was the part where I made my fatal mistake. "At the moment, _you're_ the one causing me problems. You want me to get over it?" I gazed down at him, seeing but not really noticing the pain in his eyes.

"I'm over it," I said bluntly, and his tears finally surfaced. Oh, damn. I hated it when he cried. I myself was surprised at what I'd said. "I…Kiba, I didn't mean that…I…" I took a step closer, trying to wrap my arms around him, but he shoved away from me, turning and striding out the door, slamming it behind him and leaving me to stare after him in shocked silence.

I didn't see him for a week. The next time I _did_ see him…he was with her.

_This will be all over soon._

_Pour salt into the open wound._

_Is it over yet?_

_Let me in._

So it turned out that he'd rented an apartment (that was about 2 months ago), just so he wouldn't have to see me. This was strange, because usually, Kiba would want to "talk it out." When I could finally stand it no longer, I decided to try my hand at this whole "apologizing" business. I was hoping I wouldn't be as bad at it as I had been in the past. Kiba came home (well, to his current "home") that night to find me leaning against the wall next to the doorway, smoking as usual. He wasn't exactly pleased.

"What are you doing here, Shikamaru?" he asked, walking past me and stepping inside. I, of course, followed him, tossing my cigarette out the door. "Get out. I don't want to see you." That hurt, too.

"That's too bad. I need to talk to you," I said, taking his wrist in my hand. He was silent, shaking with either anger or tears.

"Let go of me," he ordered (an order that I ignored).

"I can't do that. I need to talk to you…" I repeated, pulling him toward me. He was completely rigid, apparently battling with a longing to stab me in the face and an equally strong desire to tackle me to the floor and kiss me. That was good; I could persuade him toward the latter. "I want to apologize for what I said before."

"And?" he asked icily, refusing to meet my eyes.

_So sacrifice yourself, and let me have what's left._

_I know that I can find the fire in your eyes._

_I'm going all the way; get away,_

_Please…_

"And…I was wrong. I miss you…" I said, almost wanting to kill myself just for saying it. Those words obviously affected him, though.

"Really? Why haven't you 'missed me' for the past 2 months?" he asked. He wanted _more_? Geez…

"I have. I just…didn't say anything. I was in denial for a while. And you were with Hinata…" I said her name with so much contempt it even surprised me. "I thought for a while you might be happy with her, but it's kind of obvious you aren't."

"Yeah…and?" he repeated.

"_And_ I'm tired of seeing you lie," I said, trying not to get mad at him; he was being so difficult!

"How do you know I'm lying?" he growled, glaring up at me. "Because you, Mr. IQ-over-200, you know everything, don't you? Maybe I'm happy to be away from you." Now _that_ was an even bigger lie, and I didn't even have to see his eyes to be able to tell.

"Uh-huh. So I guess you were just lying all those times you said you loved me…?" I asked, and he was silent. "Look, Kiba…cards on the table. I…hate being away from you. I know I don't tell you enough…and I probably won't ever get any better at it…but…ah, damn it…" I found myself suddenly without words, which was really annoying, because I think I almost had him.

_You take the breath right out of me._

_You left a hole where my heart should be._

_You gotta fight just to make it through._

_Cuz I will be the death of you…_

"You should leave, Shikamaru," he muttered. "I'm not in the mood for this…"

"Well change your mood, damn it!" I replied in annoyance. "I hate it when you're like this, and I have to beg you to remember that you love me! I hate having to force you to see that I need you, and you need me too!"

"I _do not_!" he yelled. "You think you're so special, and that I just couldn't live without you! Well I can! And I will!"

"God damn it, you're a moron!" I shouted in reply. "You're so stupid you can't even realize that I'm trying to—"

"Shut up!" he cried, giving me a hard roundhouse to the face.

_I'm waiting, I'm praying, realize, start hating._

I was stunned by the fact that he'd hit me, and before I knew it, I was on the ground with a huge red mark on the side of my face. And apparently, he wasn't done with me. He crouched down and hit me once, twice, knocking me back to the floor, then hauled me up by my shirtfront—and kissed me hard on the mouth. Needless to say, I was pretty confused by this point.

"I'm sorry…" he whispered as tears ran down his face. "I'm sorry… I'm not mad anymore… I didn't even mean to hit you. You were just yelling and…I thought you were mad at me and… I'm sorry…"

"Uh…it's okay," I managed, utterly bemused. He shook his head and threw his arms around me, sobbing into my chest. "Really, Kiba, it's fine. I'm okay; it's doesn't hurt—okay, it does hurt, but still, I'm okay." He glanced up at me with tearful eyes, and I smirked at him, causing him to smile in reply.

"Okay…" he said, kissing me a little softer this time. "Can we go home now? I really hate it here…"

"Yeah, sure," I said, allowing him to help me up. "Uh, Kiba… I…uh…I love you…" Those last words were said in barely over a whisper. He giggled and smirked at me.

"Yeah," he said, taking my hand and beginning to lead me away. "I know."

_You take the breath right outta me._

_You left a hole where my heart should be._

_You gotta fight just to make it through._

_Cuz I will be the death of you…_


End file.
